Mom's Time Out
THE PLACE WHERE MOMS GO FOR THEIR TIME OUT!
IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN
a.k.a. The Al Gore Song
(a parody of a Kermit the Frog Favorite)
It's not that easy being Green
Having to spend each day conserving energy
When I think it could be nicer having a great big airplane
Eating up enormous amounts of fuel!
It's not that easy being Green
Who wants to blend in with all the tree huggers of the world?
And people tend to think I'm not serious
Because I have such a gigantic home
That costs more then half the nation spends
But Green's what we all need to be!
Green could be cool; something I'd learn to like
And Green can saves lakes! And our oceans!
Our own lives! And our mountains!
And beautiful trees!
When Green is all that's left to be
To fill up the ozone in the sky
I just wonder why..wonder
I'll be green ...and it'll be fine
So beautiful
'Til Tipper sees how life is gonna be
Alice Masci
copyright 2008
Don't Go Taking My Carbs
(parody of Elton John's song “Don't Go Breaking My Heart”)
Don't go taking my carbs
(I couldn't if I tried!)
Honey whenever I'm hungry
(I know to give up that fight!)
Don't go taking my carbs
To take the weight off of me
(Honey when your clothes no longer fit)
(I know to just let you be!)
Ohhhh whhooooooo
Nobody knows it
Nobody knows
But when I was down
Krispy Kreme was in town
Right from the start
I ate a lemon tart
Whooo hooo
I ate a lemon tart
So don't go taking my carbs
(I won't go taking your carbs)
Don't go taking my
Don't go taking my
Don't go taking my CARBS!
And everyone tells us
To stop eating chocolates
What are they? Simply crazy?
When I'm a chocoholic?!!!
So you understand me,
You bring the bread in my life
You bring me cereals and pastas
You put potatoes on the side
Ohhhh whhooooooo
Nobody knows it
Nobody knows
But when I was down
Fettuccine was around
Right from the start
I ate desserts ala cart
Whooo hooo
Desserts ala cart!
So don't go taking my carbs
(I won't go taking your carbs)
Don't go taking my
Don't go taking my
Don't go taking my CARBS!
Alice Masci
Copyright 2007
Where Do Laundry Socks Go?
(parody to the tune of Whitney Houston's “Where Do Broken Hearts Go”)
I see it all the time
I gotta get this off my mind
You see nothings been the same
Since I got all those socks from Hanes
You said you needed some more
So I bought them from the store
And the only thing I've found
Is that we still have no socks around
So here I am
And can you please tell me
(Where do laundry socks go?
After I finish up a load?
How do they disappear?
It is such a mystery!
And if somebody dries you,
Don't you think they'd find you
Somewhere in the dryer?
But they just keep hiding away from me)
I've been around enough to know
That socks don't just go
And there's just no way to explain
They just can't run away!
And all the socks we had before
Were always so much more
Then the single ones I find
After everything is dried
So here I am
And can you please tell me
(Where do laundry socks go?
After I finish up a load?
How do they disappear?
It is such a mystery!
And if somebody dries you,
Don't you think they'd find you
Somewhere in the dryer?
But they just keep hiding away from me)
[Now that I have a brand new pair
You're not going anywhere
Until I get some safety pins
To keep you together in the bins]
'Cause here I am
Nobody could tell me....
(Where do laundry socks go?
After I finish up a load?
How do they disappear?
It is such a mystery!
And if somebody dries you,
Don't you think they'd find you
Somewhere in the dryer
But they just keep hiding away from me)
Alice Masci
Copyright 2007
- (parody of the Otis Redding song "Sitting On the Dock of the Bay")
- SITTING ON THE WEB AT EBAY
-
- Sitting in the morning sun
- I'll be sitting when the evening comes
- Watching the bids roll in
- Then I watch them as they stop again
-
- (Sitting on the web at Ebay
- Watching my money roll away
- I'm just sitting on the web at Ebay
- Wasting time)
-
- I mail stuff here from Georgia
- Selling all over the USA
- Cleaning my garage out
- Mailing overnight or maybe 3-day
-
- (Sitting on the web at Ebay
- Watching my junk get sold away
- Yeah...Sitting on the web at Ebay
- Wasting time)
-
- Looks like nothings gonna change
- Everything remains the same
- With all the junk that I sell out
- I buy more in, just more junk remains
-
- Sitting here addicted as ever
- With the greatest case of Ebay fever
- Seeing the bids finally end
- And I've won more stuff again
-
- (Sitting on the web at Ebay
- Watching my money roll away
- Sitting on the web at Ebay
- Wasting time)
-
- Alice Masci
- copyright 2007
-
To the tune of "Beauty School Drop Out" from Grease:
Jenny Craig Drop Out
Your story sad to tell
A woman ne'er do well
Most mixed up, uncommitted on the block
Your future's so unclear now
What's left of your career now?
Since you've gained back all the weight that you had lost?
Angels (La la la la la la la la la)
Jenny Craig Drop Out
No "after" pictures made of you
Jenny Craig drop out
Ate too much spaghetti and yung chow too!
Well at least you tried to get it right
And started exercise
After telling all the world
You'd be made over to a smaller size
Baby get moving (Baby get moving)
Why sit here just feeling bad?
Why just be brooding? (Why just be brooding?)
Don't give up and feel so sad!
Tell your counselor the truth
And try just one more time
Maybe Jenny will welcome you
And the contracts you will sign!
Jenny Craig drop out
Hanging around the candy store
Jenny Craig drop out
It's time you asked yourself for something more
Believe you can do anything
And you are worth the time
Throw out the cookies and the cheese whiz
To find your peace of mind!
Baby don't sweat it (Baby don't sweat it)
Maybe you weren't cut out for this job
Better forget it (Better forget it)
Who'd believe they could loose weight from this slob?
Now your hips are big
Your butt is huge
The tabloids are a frenzy!
Wipe off the chocolate sauce
And run back to Jenny (Run back to Jenny!)
Baby don't blow it
Don't put my good advice to shame
Baby you know it
Even Dr. Phil would say the same
I've spoke my peace
Now be released
I really gotta fly
Gotta be going to that soy milk shop in the sky
Jenny Craig Drop out
Go back to Jenny
Jenny Craig Drop out
Go back to Jenny
Note: Thankfully at end of skit Kirstie wakes up and is still the 140 or so pound lady she lost weight to be!
Alice Masci
copyright 2007
- Mom's Bathroom Athem
- (Ladies sing to the tune of our National Athem to all the boys in your home)
-
- Ohhhhhhh say can you pee
- Without hitting the seat?
- And leave the seat down
- Do I have to repeat it?!
-
- Who's been making it wet?
- Did you clearly forget?
- Even though I have screamed
- 'Til I'm so very upset
-
- And you just keep it up!
- The seat is always up!
- And you just don't care!
- Like the female living here
-
- Oh say can you just this once
- Listen to me!
- And put the seat down!
- So that Mommy can pee!!
copyright 2007
SEASONS OF TALK
(A paraody of the song “Seasons of Love” from the Broadway Play “RENT”)
525,600 minutes
525,000 minutes so dear
525,600 minutes
How could our phone bill
Be so high this year?
In daytime,
At night time
In afternoon
Or midnight
Our teenagers
Are talking
Or texting
And they never stop!
525,600 minutes
525,000 so hard to understand
525,600 minutes
How could someone talk so long
With a cell phone in their hand?
About his life
About her life
How they broke up
And she moved on
About how she's cute
And he said
Then she said
And they laughed
It's time to pay this thing
Since the talking never ends
Let's look at the bright side
That our children have friends
It's our kids!
We once were kids!
Remember the kids!
Measure the bill.
Seasons of talk!
Seasons of talk.
525,600 minutes
525,000 minutes so dear
525,600 minutes
How could our phone bill
Be so high this year?
copyright 2007